Bullshit. I usually had that word on my mind every time I saw a Christian (by that I mean that person we hurriedly on the average refer to as a Christian, just because he says he’s one or because he dresses or acts as one). Now, please don’t get me wrong. I do not imagine (to entertain ‘bad thoughts’ in the usual opinion of many mediocre contemporaries) that the Christian is bullshit. No! Think not that way. What I’ve said is that the ‘things’ that our modern Christian persona (MCP) holds closely to his chest as the true definition of what qualifies a Christian is bullshit with a big b.

What I’ve always known and do not wish to change just too quickly is that Jesus Christ, JC (as we, of the hip culture, have come to know him today and a few years back) really never had a handful of sins for which to ask for God’s forgiveness. The MCP does; and not just a handful but a truck-ful of them. When the MCP sins, he backs it up with facts (even as interestingly supported by the scriptures) such as may include the veneration of the Grace in the face of deliberate and perpetual sinning (almost always forgetting “shall we continue in sin that grace may abound?” a question that receives the answer “No” as exemplified especially by the life of JC. A natural follow-up is the comfort zone that we dwell in while sinning, with careless abandon. Who cares? Who knows? Hence, our MCP becomes insensitive to his ‘sinful’ acts, which are rather worse than those of the self-professed infidels (I’m not certain I can myself identify who these are).

Another concern that should readily puncture the balloon of pride of the MCP but which alarmingly doesn’t is his full-blown egotistic spin on salvation. He is born-again, nothing else matters. Not even the purpose of his being born-again (saved, if you agree with that definition. If not, find your compass).

What do I mean? JC came to earth (at least, according to the Christian scriptures) for a purpose. What would you think if he had said, “Well, I have heeded my God’s (or his, if you understand, being above many others in understanding of spiritual things, that he and God are one) instruction to come to earth and even if I don’t fulfil my purpose of coming to earth, what does it matter? If anyone cares to know, I have an understanding with God and he will forgive me and that’s if it’s a sin. What’s important is I came and if I don’t do what he says, he will forgive me?” What will MCP think, hearing this?

Would MCP think that the purpose of JC’s coming has been defeated, of course? Maybe, maybe not. This writer has no doubt in him that there’s a purpose for all our actions definitely. And if the only purpose of been born-again is just selfish – to make Heaven (a lot of MCPs will be dumbstruck to find out, without self-deception, where that is and what it actually takes to get there) by simply asking JC to get into your life and always forgive you when you sin, then that purpose has already been defeated.

The MCP does quite a number of unique things that do not really need our informed judgement or clarification but a simple hand-lens with which to bring closer to our eyes the hidden and, yet not so hidden, perpetration of his.

As a shepherd (self-proclaimed Pastors maybe but don’t quote me), he encourages his obedient (almost to a fault) congregation (patrons, according to a friend) to tithe all their income. Very right, very important, very second-to-none. However even with this, the MCP can sin and subsequently (or before the act) ask for the forgiveness of God or JC, whoever he feels comfortable approaching at the moment of asking. I’m sorry about that sacrilege, I was absentminded. What I mean, there are many acts that may not be entirely right before God (I wonder how stupid this writer is for claiming to know this), but which the MCP has become totally deaf to and to the voice of conscience or immune to the patting of the SPIRIT (yet, he claims the SPIRIT tells him everything from when to sleep to when to wake, rightly of course).  I provide examples of such acts.

The MCP ‘collects’ the tithes of a father and his children. I can imagine that of the 7 billion plus people on earth, more than 7 billion are raising their hands to antagonise me at this stage of the writing with the clause, “Everyone must tithe of his income”. I don’t know about that. What I do know is this. Let’s suppose a father receives a total monthly income of 30,000 whatever currency (WC). If he pays a tithe of WC 3,000, gives his full housewife WC 10,000 (MCP collects a tithe of WC 1,000), gives his 4 children a pocket money of WC 3,000 each (MCP collects WC 300 each from the children), then MCP has successfully (or should I say victoriously) collected WC 5,200 as cumulative tithe from the father’s monthly income. That’s a whopping 17.333 % (of a single person’s salary? Well, God dey!)

I’m most certain while some are with me, others are not. What is most worrisome on the issue of tithe is that MCP, as against the full-time Priests of old, is gainfully employed, ‘hardworking’ and commonly richer than any of his patrons. You bet, the good reason he provides and we all shut up is that “Whatever happens, everyone must pay his/her tithe to support the Ministry.” (Whose ministry? God’s? JC’s? or MCP’s ministry? I’m sure everyone must have heard some MCPs saying “My Ministry is…” “What’s your Ministry?” and a pleasing one, “Our Ministry has grown.” This writer must keep the sleeping dog asleep. It will do him a lot of good.

MCP keeps silence in the face of sufferings of his patrons, while he continues to ‘collect’ their cumulative tithes. MCP passes off masturbation as not-a-sin (he may be right if he considers that a masturbator doesn’t always have to dwell on having any lady at that moment; he probably is just into himself. I don’t know for sure, so no one asks me how I know).

pastor 3Scrap. That’s the word that comes to mind when I see a big Charles, BC (many are wont to perceive him as the saviour-gone-wild). He presents a front that has the interest of the lil’ Bills at heart, while courting their deprivation by all means, at all times (self-gratification is key). This BC is better, more refined, than thankfully a few who are as blunt as telling themselves the truth in the presence of global attention. These BCs are the wicked leaders, anyone above a group of people in age, class or power. Otherwise, everyone deceives everyone. It’s obvious in the eyes (some do well to hide it). On the first day of the tenth month of every year, you hear on national television, “Fellow Nigerians, our GREAT nation is currently attracting BIG TIME investors to TURN AROUND the fortunes of our blah blah blah.” These are the first words that came to me when I tried economy….imagining myself as President of my dear country. They are voiced with a tailored deliberately feigned conviction that serves to convince lil’ Bills of the claims. But something pulled at my ogo. They are lies. GREAT? How so? BIG TIME. Or hurriedly registered companies? TURN AROUND? Of course, turn around further and further into collapse. Lie Lie, almost lai lai. Then, the multiples of local, national and international schemers, in whatever guise, be it political, domestic or non-categorizable, hovering over lil’ Bills “like a roaring lion…”.

pastor 2

Ahem. I usually cough quietly every time I chanced upon a lil’ Bill, LB. He’s, I imagine, the essence and soul of what we know as Nigeria. He suffers, thinks, suffers, thinks and cries (not literal) at least for a life, something to hold on to, with which to look back and pass on. However, does he actually suffer? Yes. Does he think? Not all, but those lucky few who, by a stroke of fate, brush on the edge of thinking, thinking about their condition. “How did I get here; how do I move out?” Mostly, LB believes his leaders, everyone above his rank, even a twin brother who came minutes ahead of Mr. LB. is the source of his problem. He knows as a fact that he’s a baby that must always be spoon-fed. And when not? He cries and cries and cries on his father’s head. He just sits there complaining about how his leaders or someone has not been responsible adequately for him, without caring to really ponder on the needfulness of collective responsibility. Without going that far, at least LB should endeavour to dance around the edges of asking stupid and otherwise questions about the stewardship of those he elected into offices. Not asking too much of a guy who has already been deceived over and over to part with his sweat and blood to on-orders-tax-collectors, magnanimous enterprises, more-blessing-‘imposing’-‘men-of-god’ and some blatant-livelihood-collectors.

What happens in a country that finds herself occupied by people, who find it quite soothing to hide their true identity, feelings and inclinations behind facades? What happens?

PS: This writer is eager to review the Open Letter Jamboree (OLJ)


  1. Screwing hard knots really truly. Proud of you Lakz. Truth is until we start telling ourselves sincere truths like this we’ll remain stagnant (even backward) as a people.
    Hopefully we’ll wake up someday

  2. Deception rules the world!
    This will not stop until Believers in Christ began to learn how to “know” God for themselves.
    Tithing is an age-long tradition which i always get knocked of, each time i present a different position. Its high time we realized some people are getting fat on our ignorance.
    If every “practices” in the old testament have been abolished, why do we then have to keep to anything and everything concerning money? ………….first fruit inclusive……….

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