PAUSIBILITY: My Conversation With A Jonathanian by Adebayo Coker

Just yesterday, after considering the brain power that I would expend in order to come up with my submission for this week, which I found to be far reaching, I decided to engage a classmate of mine who has been posting all sorts on his Facebook timeline lately in a mental exercise that will jeer me to speed. It is not in my character to engage someone I consider a friend in a conversation via their timelines, I do it via private chats. This particular chat happened via Facebook messenger and I must hint that this my friend works at Wadata House.

I have to cut some identity protection for my friend, hence, I call him a Jonathanian for this purpose. Enjoy the conversation.

Me: Hello my Jonathanian friend.

Jonathanian: My dear brother, we shall continue to tell them the truth.

Me: What truth? That your principal is.. .?

Jonathanian:  The better candidate. That he is not a dictator. That he means well. That he is not desperate. That he has been doing some good job. That he is laying a good foundation. That he is peaceful, that he is accommodating…

Me: Really… I may have to go check the records to confirm because I have a totally different perspective of this man.

Jonathanian:  ok lets look through the records when you get.

Me: Let’s check the corruption index as that’s the bane of our society. Don’t get me wrong I have not seen any saint amongst the ruling class, but your principal does his own with impunity and classlessness- crude.

Jonathanian: Lets see the facts of your argument

Me: Facts?

Jonathanian: Yep. This guy has got more convictions than all the previous governments put together.

Me: Because he’s tactless in handling state matters. That’s why he’ll appoint a minister to coordinate the economy- a prime minister. While he goes cutting tapes. That’s why he’ll defend any of his corrupt aides rather than act as expected of a crusader of anti-corruption… don’t ask me for facts on that…

Jonathanian: He has used that ingenious way to run the economy effectively even in the face of crushing economic problems, fall in our mainstay prices: oil, dip in the economies of our allies, including Europe and America, even speedy China. The economy does not care who runs it, just run it well, dictators, even run it

Me: But I must confess to you: as you know, I am not a statistician, but I have always had my reservations about the quoted statistics by NOI, but I couldn’t express it so well as my skill isn’t leaning in that direction; but when Soludo came up with explanations I glorified God that someone had helped my inadequacies. The response of the PM gave her out as the true person she is…a pilferer just as your principal will call corrupt officials

Jonathanian: Well, I don’t agree with the Finance Minister’s tone or reply, she was mere surprised that Soludo could say uncomplimentary things the way he did.

Me: Is that all you’ll say about quoting feign stats? Isn’t that treason?

Jonathanian: definitely not

Me: Also, the way your principal handled the issue of security is  a show of his ineptitude or callousness. Am I right?

Jonathanian: He is handling things

Me: How sir?

Jonathanian: Very well, even if APC refuses to handle things

Me: But most Nigerians are not seeing the ‘very well’ except few individuals who are reaping from this ineptitude… Bros, when we were in school, I knew how we used to make jest of lecturers that we were convinced do not know their onions, even when they parade some phoney degrees. Now, how would you rate the PhD of your principal? Be objective sir

Fades…

I called my friend up to know why the silence. He informed me he is busy at work but that he will call me so that we canl have a more robust conversation.  I am waiting…

 

 

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