Firstword: Humankind can be split into two words, Human and Kind. Humankind on its own is synonymous with humanity, charity and kindness. I will be content with being insulated from being absolutely controlled by the media, invasive and non-invasive technology. Being kind constitutes radiation from self to others and not the other way around.
Tiwa, without being in a haste to pass the buck between you and your husband (who is obviously beside himself), there is a general apathy against our individual and collective humanity. In the abundance of religiousity, we are fast losing our spirituality (I hope this is not misconstrued, innocently or otherwise). And this has affected almost everyone one way or another. Most people, including this ‘penner’, see themselves as victims rather than agents of certain untoward events. Thus, it was quick for you to state in your widely publicized interview (definitely to the admiration of many ‘victims’ but not agents of their fates in a similar vein) your priority to keep up praying for your supposed husband while insidiously eyeing the state of bliss, where the obligations of a wife are not needed to be met (I have no evidence other than your body language in that interview; so, I may be wrong).
Do you, and other ‘victims’, even know what constitutes these obligations, to ourselves and our community (others)? Or, are we merely, as a matter of second-to-none priority, concerned about self, the happiness and fulfillment of self?
Yes, it’s a given that your husband is bad, injuriously so. Maybe even worse or worst. But is he the first? Will he be the last? Irrespective of his ‘stupidity’ and questionable reactions (or actions, if you mind) of going as far as making private statements about you in public, will he be the last?
Let’s also take for granted the truism of your claims that he’s addicted to drugs. In my reckoning, a drug addict is by default in need of help, a saving grace, first and especially from his wife, his supposed helpmate. No matter what happens, it should not be she who knows his best kept secrets that will be the first to rub it in his face when he is at his lowest ebb.
Why did you make those vows on your wedding day? Were they of any significance to you? Or did you make them out of desperation to have a man’s name attached to your public (which you seem to care about above everything else) nomenclature? Could that be the rationale for your photograph in public domain stating, “All sales are final. No exchanges. No returns”?
Yes, he pocketed your millions and kept lying to you. Well, that to me is a pointer to the fact that there is, and have always been, a fundamental problem. Either, it is the result of warped thinking due to drugs or he is clear-minded from the beginning and has been bent on fleecing you (like a gold-miner). Either way, his drug test came out clean (whatever that supposes).
My crust is that this generation, being a harbinger to the next, is losing (or has lost) her spirituality, acting (in consonance with her members) as though there is no obligation whatsoever towards posterity. Where are we from? Who does that? Many are medievally concerned about the self. Cogito ergo sum (latin for I think, therefore I am).
For the moment, let’s summon to this forum the likes of those who are losing (or have equally lost) this much-needed spirituality of essentially sustained community, the Pastors, Pedagogues, Parents, Pupils and Politicians (so much for the Ps).
Permit this penner (not excluding self from the ‘P’ Problem) to aPPreciate all the Past and Present managers of his fortune (nay fate) past, present and prospective. They all include the P People as above. The Pastors, on their own, like at a previous meeting, have resolved to dump whatever it is they think is right into you as doctrines and dogma, while retrieving as much as they can from your pockets, without so much as caring to know, talk less of help resolve, conflicts in your personal earthly journey. You are told, and reminded, rather superficially, of a journey that is largely beyond your immediate grasp. As a child, we were taught a song in African Church (Betherl), Wasimi, Ijebu-Ode, “Da’wo, da’wo, da’wo s’ile Olorun (2ce). Owo iresi, a ba’resi lo. Da’wo s’ile Olorun.” (Offer your money to the Lord. The money for food goes for food). Today, as I reminisce on that Church, I do not think about God (He doesn’t come into that picture). It’s the same with most Churches in this generation; what looms large is the frame of the Pastor and its Ministers garbed in deliberately shiny suits and the randy (pardon the genralisation) choristers blended into uniform, flowing regalia. The spirituality is gone, like the opening of the eyes of Adam and Eve, who went away to hide from nature and Mother Nature.
This same scenario plays itself out in modern classrooms (sometimes bare; other times, equipped with state of the art tech.), where half-hearted pedagogues dole out scripted (encrypted, if you mind) knowledge from notes (or hand them out outrightly) to pupils (unwilling as most are or perennially distracted and suffering from SAS – short attention span. No thanks to the ongoing social reengineering towards the paradise of a technologically driven globalized world aided by the numerous social media platforms). On such front, the spirituality associated with pure knowledge from unbridled objective education (different from examination-centered subjective acquisition of knowledge) is lost.
The likes of Ayo Fayose, the self-acclaimed “Professor of Politics” constitute the headship of governance, I make bold to say, around the world. To ‘play’ good politics, you must not be absent at all sectors of the economy, he would say, including “Iyan kolobe (pounded yam without soup) sector” and “Agbo jedi (local rum) sector” which, according to him, constitute the “Stomach Infrastructure”. For the loss of the spirituality of Ekiti people, people haven’t dragged this man to court to account for the source of funds spent on the stomach infrastructure. However, the fact that this is rather simplistic and subtle an approach compared to the more aggressive (even invasive) approaches deployed by more ‘sophisticated’ politicians globally (especially in ‘developed’ countries) only shows how desperate our politicians are willing to go to expunge spirituality (humanity) from the governed and take control of the minds of same. The Pastors, sometimes unwittingly, come in handy here and wittingly for their own sakes too.
Back to the base of Parents, especially mothers of our generation. What are we being made to become or what are we turning ourselves into? Flags of shallow sensual gratification? Signposts of stillbirth generations (who are dead on arrival)? Or mothers of cohesively upward generations? We choose!
Tiwa, I address this personally to you (bearing in mind the choices to ignore or to make up ‘genuine’ excuses, which may seem tenable at the moment).
Our decisions, actions and inactions are like shadows. They haunt us! They come and go, with different heights depending on the angles of reflection but they never die unless we do. The self has many rights. The right to choose how it lives, the right to hold on tenaciously to its career, sometimes at the detriment of others and those close to us (so, you say bullshit with others so long as the self finds fulfillment), the right to fly as high as it can go (even if others barely have wings to flap or have chosen to cut off theirs), the right to sanctify its public image and make clean of any wrongdoing (even if it comes by mudslinging, without as simple as an evidence).
The self can go as far as walking the length of the earth alone if walking with others will draw it back. The question is, “When you get to wherever you will, who will you play with? Other people’s spouses? Like they too never had their share of worries, which they have done well to conceal and ultimately resolve/ Oh, yea. Jamil? Remember, he’ll become somebody’s husband one day too and any attempt to claim him to yourself may bring the wrath of his wife and you become a witch mother-in-law.
You walked into the room of a man (unblinded) and found the place unkempt (well, maybe you met it unkempt or the room became unkempt as a result of the activities of both you and your man). Do you walk out and shut the door behind you? With Jamil, the unwilling creature you made inside that room?
Let’s also take for granted the fact that you entered that room blinded (or by mistake). Yea, it’ll be alright to come out, shut the door behind you and walk away. But think again, do you know how many doors have for decades been shut in the faces of the members of the public, housing couples who have, through thick and thin (according to the vows they took) made that room as clean as they mutually want it (those rooms were never perennially clean, mind you, which suggests the many intriguing aspects of marriage)? Maybe here, we need to interrogate our aged mothers about their experiences (we are sure to shed some tears at what we’ll hear and this goes beyond the many genuine excuses you may have to justifiably want to walk out on a marriage you willingly contracted.)
Last words: This is not just about you, Teebills and indefinitely not just about Jamil; it’s also about those millions of women, present and prospective mothers of our generations (my beautiful wife, inclusive) who are watching you and may have you as a role model, a signpost.
Do you want to be counted as a mother of cohesively upward generations or a signpost of stillbirth generations? (Except of course if your celebraity status has gotten you so much big guns that you can never be satisfied again with the low life Teebillz leads for you, which I doubt strongly)
Do you want your ‘self’ and your actions to be the harbinger of a state where, as it has already become a trend in many countries, the world over, for couples to simply get to a point in their ordained journey (in spite of having being forewarned about the fragility of any such union), where they say to themselves (or merely think), “I am tired”, “I don’t care if you’re tired or not”, “I quit”.