Firstword: Humankind can be split into two words, Human and Kind. Humankind on its own is synonymous with humanity, charity and kindness. I will be content with being insulated from being absolutely controlled by the media, invasive and non-invasive technology. Being kind constitutes radiation from self to others and not the other way around.
Tiwa, without being in a haste to pass the buck between you and your husband (who is obviously beside himself), there is a general apathy against our individual and collective humanity. In the abundance of religiousity, we are fast losing our spirituality (I hope this is not misconstrued, innocently or otherwise). And this has affected almost everyone one way or another. Most people, including this ‘penner’, see themselves as victims rather than agents of certain untoward events. Thus, it was quick for you to state in your widely publicized interview (definitely to the admiration of many ‘victims’ but not agents of their fates in a similar vein) your priority to keep up praying for your supposed husband while insidiously eyeing the state of bliss, where the obligations of a wife are not needed to be met (I have no evidence other than your body language in that interview; so, I may be wrong).
Do you, and other ‘victims’, even know what constitutes these obligations, to ourselves and our community (others)? Or, are we merely, as a matter of second-to-none priority, concerned about self, the happiness and fulfillment of self?
Yes, it’s a given that your husband is bad, injuriously so. Maybe even worse or worst. But is he the first? Will he be the last? Irrespective of his ‘stupidity’ and questionable reactions (or actions, if you mind) of going as far as making private statements about you in public, will he be the last?
Let’s also take for granted the truism of your claims that he’s addicted to drugs. In my reckoning, a drug addict is by default in need of help, a saving grace, first and especially from his wife, his supposed helpmate. No matter what happens, it should not be she who knows his best kept secrets that will be the first to rub it in his face when he is at his lowest ebb.
Why did you make those vows on your wedding day? Were they of any significance to you? Or did you make them out of desperation to have a man’s name attached to your public (which you seem to care about above everything else) nomenclature? Could that be the rationale for your photograph in public domain stating, “All sales are final. No exchanges. No returns”?
Yes, he pocketed your millions and kept lying to you. Well, that to me is a pointer to the fact that there is, and have always been, a fundamental problem. Either, it is the result of warped thinking due to drugs or he is clear-minded from the beginning and has been bent on fleecing you (like a gold-miner). Either way, his drug test came out clean (whatever that supposes).
My crust is that this generation, being a harbinger to the next, is losing (or has lost) her spirituality, acting (in consonance with her members) as though there is no obligation whatsoever towards posterity. Where are we from? Who does that? Many are medievally concerned about the self. Cogito ergo sum (latin for I think, therefore I am).
For the moment, let’s summon to this forum the likes of those who are losing (or have equally lost) this much-needed spirituality of essentially sustained community, the Pastors, Pedagogues, Parents, Pupils and Politicians (so much for the Ps).
Permit this penner (not excluding self from the ‘P’ Problem) to aPPreciate all the Past and Present managers of his fortune (nay fate) past, present and prospective. They all include the P People as above. The Pastors, on their own, like at a previous meeting, have resolved to dump whatever it is they think is right into you as doctrines and dogma, while retrieving as much as they can from your pockets, without so much as caring to know, talk less of help resolve, conflicts in your personal earthly journey. You are told, and reminded, rather superficially, of a journey that is largely beyond your immediate grasp. As a child, we were taught a song in African Church (Betherl), Wasimi, Ijebu-Ode, “Da’wo, da’wo, da’wo s’ile Olorun (2ce). Owo iresi, a ba’resi lo. Da’wo s’ile Olorun.” (Offer your money to the Lord. The money for food goes for food). Today, as I reminisce on that Church, I do not think about God (He doesn’t come into that picture). It’s the same with most Churches in this generation; what looms large is the frame of the Pastor and its Ministers garbed in deliberately shiny suits and the randy (pardon the genralisation) choristers blended into uniform, flowing regalia. The spirituality is gone, like the opening of the eyes of Adam and Eve, who went away to hide from nature and Mother Nature.
This same scenario plays itself out in modern classrooms (sometimes bare; other times, equipped with state of the art tech.), where half-hearted pedagogues dole out scripted (encrypted, if you mind) knowledge from notes (or hand them out outrightly) to pupils (unwilling as most are or perennially distracted and suffering from SAS – short attention span. No thanks to the ongoing social reengineering towards the paradise of a technologically driven globalized world aided by the numerous social media platforms). On such front, the spirituality associated with pure knowledge from unbridled objective education (different from examination-centered subjective acquisition of knowledge) is lost.
The likes of Ayo Fayose, the self-acclaimed “Professor of Politics” constitute the headship of governance, I make bold to say, around the world. To ‘play’ good politics, you must not be absent at all sectors of the economy, he would say, including “Iyan kolobe (pounded yam without soup) sector” and “Agbo jedi (local rum) sector” which, according to him, constitute the “Stomach Infrastructure”. For the loss of the spirituality of Ekiti people, people haven’t dragged this man to court to account for the source of funds spent on the stomach infrastructure. However, the fact that this is rather simplistic and subtle an approach compared to the more aggressive (even invasive) approaches deployed by more ‘sophisticated’ politicians globally (especially in ‘developed’ countries) only shows how desperate our politicians are willing to go to expunge spirituality (humanity) from the governed and take control of the minds of same. The Pastors, sometimes unwittingly, come in handy here and wittingly for their own sakes too.
Back to the base of Parents, especially mothers of our generation. What are we being made to become or what are we turning ourselves into? Flags of shallow sensual gratification? Signposts of stillbirth generations (who are dead on arrival)? Or mothers of cohesively upward generations? We choose!
Tiwa, I address this personally to you (bearing in mind the choices to ignore or to make up ‘genuine’ excuses, which may seem tenable at the moment).
Our decisions, actions and inactions are like shadows. They haunt us! They come and go, with different heights depending on the angles of reflection but they never die unless we do. The self has many rights. The right to choose how it lives, the right to hold on tenaciously to its career, sometimes at the detriment of others and those close to us (so, you say bullshit with others so long as the self finds fulfillment), the right to fly as high as it can go (even if others barely have wings to flap or have chosen to cut off theirs), the right to sanctify its public image and make clean of any wrongdoing (even if it comes by mudslinging, without as simple as an evidence).
The self can go as far as walking the length of the earth alone if walking with others will draw it back. The question is, “When you get to wherever you will, who will you play with? Other people’s spouses? Like they too never had their share of worries, which they have done well to conceal and ultimately resolve/ Oh, yea. Jamil? Remember, he’ll become somebody’s husband one day too and any attempt to claim him to yourself may bring the wrath of his wife and you become a witch mother-in-law.
You walked into the room of a man (unblinded) and found the place unkempt (well, maybe you met it unkempt or the room became unkempt as a result of the activities of both you and your man). Do you walk out and shut the door behind you? With Jamil, the unwilling creature you made inside that room?
Let’s also take for granted the fact that you entered that room blinded (or by mistake). Yea, it’ll be alright to come out, shut the door behind you and walk away. But think again, do you know how many doors have for decades been shut in the faces of the members of the public, housing couples who have, through thick and thin (according to the vows they took) made that room as clean as they mutually want it (those rooms were never perennially clean, mind you, which suggests the many intriguing aspects of marriage)? Maybe here, we need to interrogate our aged mothers about their experiences (we are sure to shed some tears at what we’ll hear and this goes beyond the many genuine excuses you may have to justifiably want to walk out on a marriage you willingly contracted.)
Last words: This is not just about you, Teebills and indefinitely not just about Jamil; it’s also about those millions of women, present and prospective mothers of our generations (my beautiful wife, inclusive) who are watching you and may have you as a role model, a signpost.
Do you want to be counted as a mother of cohesively upward generations or a signpost of stillbirth generations? (Except of course if your celebraity status has gotten you so much big guns that you can never be satisfied again with the low life Teebillz leads for you, which I doubt strongly)
Do you want your ‘self’ and your actions to be the harbinger of a state where, as it has already become a trend in many countries, the world over, for couples to simply get to a point in their ordained journey (in spite of having being forewarned about the fragility of any such union), where they say to themselves (or merely think), “I am tired”, “I don’t care if you’re tired or not”, “I quit”.
6 thoughts on “TIWA SAVAGE: I’M TIRED, YOU’RE NOT. I QUIT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi”
Guy, leave Tiwa alone. A failed marriage is better than the story of the man that killed his wife last week in Lagos. If I have a daughter (which I don’t pray for) I will tell her on her wedding day to feel free to come home if the marriage is not working out.
Yea, a failed marriage is better than a couple dying in the hand of the other spouse. But here, there’s no relation. Besides, this shouldn’t be misconstrued as the case of expected woman dying in the hand of the spouse. The case of oshonde cannot yet be outrightly claimed to be true. Even if it can, certain things led to it and e prevention of su is what parents should be after and not provide an umbrella instruction that if the marriage fails, she should return home. We’ll thereof be encouraging a wrong trend. http://www.nigerianeye.com/2016/05/i-never-killed-my-wife-she-was.html
Even though I would have loved to react extensively or rather, do a rejoinder to this piece you did on Tiwa Savage, I sadly have less time these days to do many things; looming deadlines staree defiantly at me. However, permit me to argue quickly that it is fundamental you know that you completely disregarded the fact that Tiwa is also a human being who understands the challenges of being a woman, a mother and a wife in this age of modernity. Much of the blames you poured on her are arguably hugely unwarranted for you only evidently could read supposed gestures from an interview, but unfortunately failed to capture those other obvious hurting innermost thoughts that were left unsaid, nay, unexpressed.
Sir, Being a woman has transcended the traditional that you made effort to construct through the lens of Tiwa’s failed Marriage, interaction between genders have assumed a different status in recent time – these days.
“And to what extent is this advancement?, you asked?
Well, Heidegger’s concept of “throwness’ always come handy any time a question such as this one come to the fore bro. Our Faustian curiosity is what brought us this far. This is beyond what one can plunge into in few words. But again, to what end you say? Truth is till when our Faustian quest push us to the point where institutions like Marriage is seen as worthless. Need to argue that such position have already taken shape in the Western world (especially here in Europe) where a large number of our women get to travel to and live in, before going back home to supposedly establish themselves. Now, Tiwa’s case is what happens with such women – and is never going to stop with her; that is our advancement as this is concerned – different position it is now!
Again, this is what modernity has, out of her ‘kindness’, offered to us as benefits. The point is that Marriage is a failed institution to this westernised girls and there is a conscious effort of theirs towards freedom and independence. Sooner or later, with a conscious pattern of acting out music (as you argued in one of your articles I read recently), African women, perpetually in the habit of a Western wannabes, will join the queue. Sadly, that is where we are advancing to, it is to that end sir! We are only left to marvel on and never to quickly point accusing fingers. One lecturer of feminism once postulated that “men are stupid, women are crazy and the reason women are crazy is simply because men are stupid”
Ponder on that sir!
Wow. Actually a lot to ponder on Czar. A lot. I admit I’ll take my time on this. Thank you for your thought provoking sling
How convenient. You tell a woman to walk with feline grace in a shoe that hurts very terribly. You tell her even if her hurting toes would come off, she should fake a smile, cry inside if she would but don’t dare take off those shoes. “Because people are looking at you. People are judging you. You already look pretty in that dress, how shameful it’ll be to see you remove your shoes in public. Keep hurting, you still have a thousand miles more to walk.”
Women should continue the trend of unhappiness and suffering in marriages. Didn’t they know their mothers suffered worse? Right?
How hypocritical. To think a lot of you don’t even want female children. Since they are the lesser human species. They are created to suffer. To attend to the egos of irresponsible men.
If the circumstances were reversed, would you still have adviced same? If Tiwa was the drug addict, the promiscuous one (community vagina, like Teebillz was a community penis). Would you have composed a song titled ‘disappointed in you’ for him, if he ended the marriage and chose to escape an unhappy wedlock?
She had the right to choose happiness. Tiwa loved him. Even the blind would see it. But he took advantage of her love. He abused her mentally and emotionally. He disrespected her continuously.
I love Tiwa very much, but if she had stayed back in that marriage, I would have respected her decision but I would have lost all respect for her. Why try too hard to please a society that doesn’t even care about you? If she had dropped dead with high blood pressure caused by the weight of pain she had to endure in her marriage, we would have long forgotten about her. Maybe we would have shed a tear the day the news got around.
It would have been a wasted life and talent. All for what? A Mrs title?
Like everything else in life, people make mistakes too in choosing spouses. But no one should have to die unhappy or wish their partner dead. I hear people wish their partners would drop dead, so they can move on with their lives. because the society will judge them less, if they know the spouse died rather than hear that they walked out of the unhappy marriage alive.
Life shouldn’t be so complicated. I have a daughter that I love very much, and I’ll choose her and her happiness over anything else. The society be damned.
I’m a woman. I wouldn’t wish to be any other gender. And I certainly deserve to be happy. I deserve to live a full and happy life.