#PAUSIBILITY: WHAT A ‘DOLLARED’ MOMENT! by Adebayo Coker

interactiveDear Sir,

Please do not consider the homophone of this caption but the sincerity that is inherent in the message.

Sir, many Nigerians have written many notes to you but I know you got one in particular:  OBJ’s.

I know some of your aides will read this message but will never show it to you. You have made us to understand that going by the composition of your cabinet, a high quantum of the advice your aides give to you are useless, and my conclusion that they will not allow you to read this piece is based on that premise.

I have taken some time off writing in public space (especially on my blog) for two weeks now, as I have concentrated my energies on a book I am writing presently. Don’t ask me what the book is all about because it is not a general read.

This is a critical time in our national history just as other times in the past and will be in the future; the more reason I am stepping out of my study.

Many Nigerians, including myself, daily hurl insults at your person but just last week, I sat myself down for a moment, to appraise the whole scenario around your ascendancy and occupation of the Office of The President. Truly and truly you deserve to be there because the system paved the way for someone like you. They call you drunk but who would not need a form of stimulant to preside over this heterogeneity with its attendant humongous qualms?

We all know the story behind your ascendancy and I would not want to repeat the tale here because of your time but allow me to recount some events of your reign.

You are so sincere; if I am not mistaken, the sincerest of all the rulers that ever walked this land. When asked to declare your assets publicly as required by law, you were blunt with all of us. Not that any President, apart from late Musa Yar’adua, ever declared theirs, but none of them, including Baba Iyabo, had the guts that you have. You bluntly said you don’t give a damn and that you would not declare any asset of yours publicly and you never did. That is sincerity.interactives

You went further to inform us that you have Boko Haram members in your cabinet, but you have “no balls” (let me use the word of FFK) to publish their names. It was also reported at one time that the efforts of the allied forces that came to work with your government to nip the menace of BH in the bud were scuttled by intelligence leakage to the sect by some people in the military. Still, you had no balls.

Recently, your over-simplicity made you divulge the mindset of your inner circle by telling us that you did not see anything bad in corruption in anyway as it is only mere pilfering. At this news, the populace went hysteric, myself inclusive, but much later I came to the realisation that you are our President and whatever you say is right. Haven’t we heard? “The President can never be wrong”.

You have made us to know that you are a man of civil posture by requesting of us not to refer to you as a Commander-in-Chief. That you reaffirmed by telling the world you were bypassed by your Service Chiefs when they went ahead to execute that coup on the rest of us that so gave you a six-week window to ‘tidy up’ your campaign and I must sincerely let you know that you have done a wonderful laundering  in these past few weeks. The dollar is working.

Just few days ago you told the world that all the while Boko Haram was having a field day in the Northeast, you were busy sourcing for weapons to fight the insurgency. Some people even forgot that your most amiable wife had once informed us that herself and yourself hardly slept together from the day the news of the abducted girls got to you and that you demonstrated by taking your time (10days) before your government could speak on the issue. So many people did not know you were waiting on the Lord, fasting that the girls be returned safely; after all, you are the father of the nation, in case they don’t know you are a man of action.

I will not want to mention the tart-fool-ness our mother, your wife has brought into the business of political campaigning. Truly, she is a paradigm of a solid woman behind a successful husband. More grease to her elbows.

Dear Sir, some took your sincerity as tactlessness; I used to think that way too but now my mindset has changed, especially after watching you on the screen during that “once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity” to #MeetThePresident and the recent Creative Industry #ChatWithGEJ. I see that you are a lover of the youth by your engaging interaction with them and that you also cherish creativity by your promise of $5billion to the industry. You are such a bloke that some babes were ready to bare it all for you: one even came on stage declaring that she was ready to die for you and your party. You must have treated her to some dollar bills. I applaud her ‘dollared’ fondness for you.

You were sincere when you told us the election will hold only that you sincerely think the best way to go about getting people to vote you in for a second term is through harassing them by elevating felons to statesmen and unleashing such on the society. What a sincere campaign strategy.

But sir, I will like to vote for you just like many other Nigerians especially when these past weeks have revealed that you sincerely have plans for us, but which mirage could only be feasible if and only if you are re-elected (the 50 % reduction in electricity tariff would only take effect from next month); but you know, I only have one vote and I have promised myself to always be an agent of change. Also, during my moment of appraisal, I found that it is better to tread the path that will lead to greater utopian. Sir, over-simplicity is not a virtue; just being simple is far better.

I did not voice this so that you may visit me for some endorsement or blessing as I don’t have morons amongst my family, friends, followers and community. The people that surround me are adults, who are capable of making their own choices and bear whatever consequences that may follow.

Though, you are sincere in your incompetence and ineptitude, but I must sincerely tell you that this is the end of the road. Start working on your relocation plan. Don’t wait till the last day.

Adebayo Coker is a wordsmith. Societal Fragments, A Man Like Me, and Wobbled Words are some of his creation. debayocoker@gmail.com

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