When two personalities, who have been throwing the juggernauts at each other with everything they got, decide to combine their forces, it may lead to not only the annihilation of the opposition but also of themselves.  Especially when such personalities bear names that portends no good. Find below the letter written by A-RE-MU (Slicer of nose) to A-TI-KU (We are dead):

Like ever before, I am constrained to write this letter to you because at my age, I am struggling against senility. However, the situation in which my country has been plunged under your watch has given me the compunction to address you rather with this open letter, almost as vehemently as I have to previous incumbents. If my memory serves me right, this is my 8th letter in the series.

First and foremost, let me remind you that winning the election that brought you to power was not a peace-of-cake as you now seem so settled to think it was. So many intrigues went into it. And I am beginning to doubt that I made the right decision to have forgiven you when I did. From reliable quarters, I have found that you were not entirely in the dark on the issue of herdsmen on rampage. It served your cause a great deal to unseat the incumbent at that time that I think there is a possibility that you had a hand in it. Beyond that, a lot of people put their reputation on the line to see you win, something that was almost impossible considering the position of the incumbent at the time. Yet, religious leaders from both sides of the divide rallied round to support and promote your candidacy to their constituents and relatives. With the unfolding drama in your administration, I believe it is high time Nigerian youth do away with this Babasope politics, be those Babas political or religious. Those of us at the tail end of our existence should now bow out and leave the stage for the younger ones. I say this, not because it is apparent that I may die soon but, because it is what the country seriously needs at this time. It is as such thoughts as these that I regret not having supported any of the younger presidential candidates in the 2019 elections, years back.

There can be no justification for your intentions to want a second term; none at all. Even though SaiBu seemed to have done the worst, not hearkening to the words of the scriptures, “Touch not my anointed, and do my prophets no harm!” your time at the Rock has achieved nothing close to what SaiBu achieved in less than two years. Where is the restructure, the improvements in healthcare, education, infrastructure and all other things you used to beguile the nation into supporting you? Rather, as expected, you have taken to new heights of corruption and nepotism. Remember, I once said, “If I support Atiku for a political office other than the one I supported him in the past when I did not know him, maybe, but not now that I know him, God will not forgive me.” Owing by what you have done between 2019 and now, for me to make heaven, I therefore must use this opportunity to apologise to SaiBu, the easygoing man of integrity whose only sin was that he was old, needed to rest and he attempted to ‘touch’ me. But how have you proven otherwise? You go about the business of Government as if your manifesto expressly read that you erase me and everything that concerns me from the face of Nigeria. What is my sin? That for several years, I opposed your candidacy? So, forgiving you in 2018, when I thought you had ‘re-discovered and re-positioned yourself’ was a big mistake because like the ravening wolves in sheep’s clothing, you came bootlicking and kowtowing so you can kick my nuts when you have the power you so desperately sought. This is what I saw in you when I went around saying you are the worst for the country and if not for the slight of SaiBu, I would never have supported you. But today, your only aim is to return the country to the abyss from where we were gradually being lifted, and to make matters worse, it is all with the toga of PeeDaPee, the party that is wont to desecrate the sanctuary that Nigeria should be.

“From the day I nominated Atiku to be my vice, he set his mind not for any good, benefit or service of the country, but on furiously planning to upstage, supplant or remove me at all cost and to take my place” those were my words in my book about you and that was before I changed my mind and supported you in 2018. But your actions have so far proven me right by those words. I should have known better. A presidential candidate who goes about begging those who have accused him of corruption or who have vowed never to support him only reveals himself incorrigible when otherwise he should show resolve and example that he is a changed person. That was not the case with you. You never debunked what I said but rather came begging. I should have known but I was justifiably blinded by intent to remain politically relevant and not be relegated to the back of history books where SaiBu was intent on pushing me.

You are in perpetual haste to upstage me, right from 2006 when you knew I was not going to allow you to succeed me. And I wonder when it is you will finally accept that oga na master. One, it was only my presidency that was able to successfully transition to a government headed by someone I personally chose. That person died before he could even understand where he was. And the one that came after him was so clueless he did not even know how to run a government. Every other person was running him. It got so bad that he started to recruit militants working towards a fascist state. Then, I wrote him a letter. The rest is history as his plan to succeed himself did not materialize, leading the way to the government of my colleague who wanted to succeed himself even at old age, at a time, when he too knew that his health could not carry him any further. In all sincerity, I wrote him a letter and because of this, he came after me, claiming that I stole 16 billion naira meant for electricity. That is a case that my boys have dropped a long time ago but he chose to bring out the fossil so as to disgrace me. If not for that, I would never have supported your candidacy as the flag bearer for PDP. Though, like I said, God would never forgive me if I supported you. But seeing at the time that you and I suddenly came to have a common enemy, and that you were remorseful, I threw my support behind you believing that you will have the interest of the country at heart. Though, having arrived this ripe old age which would not permit me to be duplicitous, I must admit that I was blinded by personal interests.

Lastly, and most disturbingly, you have used your presidency to annul all possible opposition to your government of impunity by silencing even those of us that brought you to power, including members of the clergy. One of the pastors, Oye, who intervened and settled our disagreement has expected by all intents and purposes, and for the benefit of his church and members of the church that on getting to office, the levies placed on his jet parking space would be lifted, was disappointed and being my constituency, it is for me like shitting on the alter for which no president can be pardoned.

It is time to pack your belongings out of the Rock. Though, you have gone to great lengths to put into effect all your desires against me since 2006, I will ensure that the same way you lurched against my third term bid I will do likewise against your second term. And in the end, I will be triumphant and would have had an edge over you, being one person who, in the history of Nigeria, my dear country, ruled as a military head of state, and then again as a civilian president for two consecutive terms. And for you, one or almost less than one term, if impeached, will be what historians will write against your name.

 

PS: This letter was found among the books belonging to A-RE-MU after he had died unceremoniously. It was definitely written in advance so that in the event that he dies before the year mentioned, the letter can still be released by those who love him as if he had not died. I doubt he intended that his death be made public knowledge. He obviously never wanted to leave the stage, whether the ovation is loud or not, talk less of dying.

‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

@streetbanter