RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi & the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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Dr. Bukola Saraki…going…going…g…o….

“Listen to Nigerian leaders and you will frequently hear the phrase, “this great country of ours.” Nigeria is not a great country. It is one of the most disorderly nations in the world. It is one of the most corrupt, insensitive, inefficient places under the sun. It is one of the most expensive countries and one of those that give least value for money. It is dirty, callous, noisy, ostentatious, dishonest, and vulgar. In short, it is among
Continue reading RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi
& the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi & the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

image

Dr. Bukola Saraki…going…going…g…o….

“Listen to Nigerian leaders and you will frequently hear the phrase, “this great country of ours.” Nigeria is not a great country. It is one of the most disorderly nations in the world. It is one of the most corrupt, insensitive, inefficient places under the sun. It is one of the most expensive countries and one of those that give least value for money. It is dirty, callous, noisy, ostentatious, dishonest, and vulgar. In short, it is among
Continue reading RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi
& the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

LADIES: WHERE THE POWER LIES by Monsieur Mobutu

lakunlescrews's avatarlAkUnLeScReWs

pottates

The place of women is in the kitchen.

The world is confused. While the men have become weaklings, many content with waking up to bottles of drinks; the women have realized that there’s a power beyond them, or that has been hidden from them for so long, and they are doing all they can to reach for it. Everytime and everywhere, you hear about women emancipation, gender equity and in fact ‘women first’. However, when a snake appears, the men must go first.

When the robbers bang at the door, the men must take the lead. And foolishly, many men would always say ‘YES’ to whatever the women say, however confused they may perpetually be even at their own detriment.

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The Miracle of Fear By Bode Asiyanbi

(Originally published on Lawino’s Magazine)

 

Rasaki knew something had gone wrong as he ejaculated but what exactly, he could not place. Was it the grandfather clock that chimed eight times at one o’clock, or the thunder that cracked the midnight air as the first spurts eased out? Was it the strange bird that began chirping on the silence of the night? He stared at his wilted member. He had jerked out too late. This withdrawal thing Osas suggested was not for him. It was like eating underdone rice.

“What…?” his wife said. “I’m safe…”

Her sweat-drenched breasts heaved in protest as he pulled away from her delirious grip. He did not respond. He faced the cracking wall of their one-room home, his face wrapped in a puzzle. It was not just about the niggling apprehension of pregnancy or the interrupted orgasm, he just did not like how he came. READ MORE

Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

poorOnce upon a time, the diseased elephant lay dead beside the flourishing rat.

 

The rat had blown his flesh with the meat of the elephant. The rot lay beside the freshness. And a warm breeze descending the poles came to merge the disparity. The gentle wind delayed, had been brewed from a plant in a refined region away from our branded reality. It brought with it, its own ways. It had its own eyes, its stance, its culture, its people and its life.

 

In the wind, I saw it all…the field of cold and warmth, as of two cities resolving to live together. The intermingling of splendour and squalour; the breaking of hearts by hearts. I saw it all in the air, the culture of the land so far away from our touch that we only basked in the gigantic appellation of her name. The name of a chord of people of Continue reading Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

#Pausibility: Gehazi, Vuvuzela-General And The Lesson For The New Generation By Adebayo Coker

gehaziThe diverse reactions that were triggered by the recent appointments of the President are funnily incredulous. Very soon we will hear Dauralization or Patriarchization. We voted PMB to deliver to us chenji then we complain when he selected his team. PMB has chosen the people he wants to work with; I hope when playtime comes he will consider some of us. September is a month to look forward to. My fear is that one of his aides has set his over-ambitious eyes on SAN(K)ship already.

Let’s move on to better things jor.

“Uncle, two fighting!” Continue reading #Pausibility: Gehazi, Vuvuzela-General And The Lesson For The New Generation By Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: Ambode, Lagos Is A State Of Excellence! by Adebayo Coker

akinwumi-ambode-350x253My Dear Governor,

I checked my archive and found out that I have not congratulated my amiable governor on any platform yet, therefore I must correct my insensitivity to my immediate environment by extending my congratulations to you. Please sir, don’t tag it belated.

I am a Lagos boy who believes it will beneficial and great if we are in sync with the government at the centre; and I must commend the level of work done so far: quite an achievement in this short period. The photo-Ops tell it all.

But sir, I want to bring something to your notice. There is a road behind my house; it was built by your immediate predecessor, well-lit at night that the devil himself will have no darkness to veil himself with to perpetrate his typical devilry. Every night, even if there is no power in the neighbourhood, that light will come on. I have on many occasions, at night, taken a walk with my wife in the brightness of that light but today that road has become a menace as robbery activities are daily recorded thereon because our precious ‘ Fashola light’, as my neighbours will refer to it, is out. Not that Fashola took it with him but someone is forgetting to turn on the switch of those lamps, regularly.

Continue reading #Pausibility: Ambode, Lagos Is A State Of Excellence! by Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: An Altar Call For Fr. Kukah by Adebayo Coker

KukahDear Sir,

Calvary greetings to you in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Although I have not written you letters in private that you refused to respond to, getting through to you through this medium is a matter of choice; a choice aimed at correcting the many banalities flying around about your most esteemed office.

I fell in love with your classic elocution and outspokenness when I was in my late teens during the Oputa Panel. You sat as the secretary of that Reconciliation Panel. Now I am in my mind 30s.
Continue reading #Pausibility: An Altar Call For Fr. Kukah by Adebayo Coker

The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu

(As published on meronymofmeroe on the 21st of November, 2011)

Dear President Goodluck Jonathan,

My name is Yomi Smart. Bimpe (my wife) says I’m incapable of rational thought because I’m a drunk. Silly rabbit, what does she know? Sadly, a prophet has no honour in his own house. But all my friends can confirm that I give the best of advice when under the influence. Also, my wife thinks you are a hypocritical politician – you have my permission to arrest her. On the other hand, I still see you as a leader who can jump start some necessary change in Nigeria. I hope you do!

Four years ago, I called my wife and her kids for a family meeting. I say “her kids” Continue reading The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu

#Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker

affiliation“How good and how pleasant it would be, before God and man to see the unification of all…”
– Bob Marley, Africa Unite.

That a man is amongst many connections a son, a brother, a friend, a classmate, a colleague, an uncle, a community leader, a tribesman, a state man, a country man… His many affiliations are brought into play at different levels of his life but let me share this experience of mine with you.

I know a big farmer. His primary goal is to ensure everything works not because his other investments are not yielding good returns but he made me understand that if he closes down the farm the aftershock will be greater than what ordinary eyes can behold. That made me cherish his ingenuity and zeal in ensuring that everything works even though it wasn’t that smooth running; such a large farm, especially with the diverse expertise that he needed to run it efficiently. So he sent his relatives to acquire skills in one Continue reading #Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker

OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘

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The staffers of the Obafemi Awolowo University, like staffers of some other public universities in time past, were in the last few days subjected to the hardship of trekking a substantial distance to get to their respective stations and offices. They are entitled to several years arrears of certain earned allowances. So much back-and
Continue reading OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘

ALMOST ALIVE, ALMOST DEAD a short story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

This piece was published on meronymofmeroe on the 13th of December, 2011 and sequels to this will come soon.Abstractt

meronymofmeroe's avatarMeroë

(Also published in http://www.naijastories.com/2011/12/almost-alive-almost-dead/)

They beat the pulp out of me that night of the 30th day of September this year. It was the eve of the National Independence Anniversary, which for 50 years had been trailed by mixed feelings. This was in spite of the general atmosphere of green-white-green that descended on the country.

I had almost passed by the boys sitting beside their rusty Volkswagen ‘Beetle’ a few kilometers away from mine when a careless log tripped me; I crashed into one of the boys with the load I was carrying. The oozing blood of the load touched this boy with an angry face and he raised an alarm the way he would had he seen ’a thief that killed and stole the only goat that belonged to an entire village’ – he was certain of an instant response. “Hey, blood”, “Catch am”, “He Kill am”, “Na thief”…

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#Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker

corruptionThere is a Yoruba saying: ko si ba se ma se se ebolo ti ko ni run igbe. No matter how expensively garbed a beggar is, his beggarly mentality will have him betrayed. These past few days, social media as well as the traditional media went agog with protests against the soulless wardrobe allowance of the members of the National Assembly. I am glad we are getting there gradually. My joy is that at the end, our consciousness will rise to a point that we will realize that the electors at all times retain the ultimate power to hire and fire at anytime, not necessarily only during the election year. There is a part of the constitution that says we can recall any elected official that is misbehaving or not performing to expectation. But I beg to differ on the recent hashtags because they are just unnecessary. Very unnecessary I must add. Haven’t you read in the book of Political Insouciance, that it is better for millions of the populace to go hungry while their representatives loom large in opulence? Haven’t you also read that it is better to clothe lawmakers because they are usually in a maddening state of nakedness anytime, anyway? Just few weeks ago, I wrote about Continue reading #Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker

NIGERIA by Dapo Jegede

This poem, “Nigeria”, was originally published on sainttalk.wordpress.com on the 2nd of October, 2013.

I find it quite relevant for the times…

dapojegs's avatardapojegs' Blog

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A great nation with great heritage
We need to reach and take advantage
Of the vast deposits we have on the inside
So we can exploit resources on the outside

In trouble we play the blame game
Everyone somehow withdraws in shame
No one wants to take responsibility
For us to obtain true liberty

We are so rich yet so poor
A lock still remains on the door
Our minds still bears the yoke of slavery
Deliverance will come at the wake of bravery

Like the ancient story of the tyrant cat
That troubled and preyed on the rats
As long as none the cat could bell
Their lives remained a living hell

A new Nigeria will emerge I believe
This however depends on you and me
What sacrifice are you willing to give
The factors that divide we should leave

Hope indeed is a beautiful thing
So different from…

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#Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker

Nigeria-National-AssemblyMy dear President,

It will be too early in the day to start sending you notes but this is very important especially with the task you have before you. It is an enormous task and it is bothering me already how you will start.  Just last week I asked that people should give you some space especially when we are awaiting some deliverables in about 80 days time. But as it is, my impatience to tone some words to you cannot endure a second longer.

Early March this year, I encountered one of the most gentlemen I ever come across in my short existence. He calls Jagaban Bola because they were contemporaries in Mobil. He acknowledged the sagacity of Bola on any given field of his interest. He was even jumping like a puppy while expressing his joy of being alive to witness your coming back to serve the nation. He congratulated my generation that we Continue reading #Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker

WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

ForgetThe Presidential inauguration has come and gone. The old (if there was any) government had gone and the new is here. Like they say, the dog must hit the ground running. The previous government, it must be noted, had been accused of ‘doing’ so many things wrongfully but I’m afraid before the handing-over, she was not so much accused of what she was supposed to do that she didn’t do.

Of the things that government was accused of, corruption (or stealing, if you mind) was prime; others may be aiding-and-abetting of eli-thieves, institutionalized state-pardon for criminals, widespread employment of rogues and never-do-wells (for them to come-and-chop), iro ojukoroju (blatant falsehoods), political indiscretions and…fill in the gaps. And… Continue reading WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

#Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker

InauguaDear Compatriots,

We sure had a wonderful Inauguration last Friday. It was awesome even though there were obvious lapses in the protocols during the Swearing-in proper and other activities that followed. From the foregoing, you should be able to tell what I am set out to talk about. The side dis(at)traction!

These past few weeks I have deliberately fed my laziness to blog. Not necessarily because I couldn’t write anything but I knew the last few weeks of Jonathan’s administration were tales of woes and that was what many bloggers cum columnists would air . I was right as so many valedictory notes I read were just as I had thought. Jonathan, A Failure! Scorecard…!! Good Riddance…!!! Continue reading #Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker

BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

hannibal candelaA decade

of flights

by this omnibus

wraps up into a big whole

this day and the next two

of may, twenty fifteen. I was there!

 

The Bass and the Soprano,

One anchored to the other. Continue reading BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

#PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker

KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09 NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN
KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09
NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN

Last week Thursday, I got a shark-bite feeling that fuel scarcity inflicts on one. I got the news that PMS was being sold at a filling station in Ajuwon and I harmed myself with a 25 litre keg, hoping that at least I could get a scoop that would be enough for me to power my generator (contrary to the  ads, there hasn’t been power in my locality for days running) so I may at least submit my column for the week; but I returned home frustrated.

True to the news, fuel was being sold and I quickly joined the long queue.  For several hours that I was there, I couldn’t get to the nozzle even though I saw that the product was being dispensed. Some street urchins came with a truckload of kegs, hijacked the nozzle from the attendant and sold the product to themselves. Immediately a keg got filled, they would move it few metres away from the filling station and start hawking it at Two Hundred and Fifty Naira per litre (the pump price from the filling station was Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker