Category Archives: notMYwords

The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu

(As published on meronymofmeroe on the 21st of November, 2011)

Dear President Goodluck Jonathan,

My name is Yomi Smart. Bimpe (my wife) says I’m incapable of rational thought because I’m a drunk. Silly rabbit, what does she know? Sadly, a prophet has no honour in his own house. But all my friends can confirm that I give the best of advice when under the influence. Also, my wife thinks you are a hypocritical politician – you have my permission to arrest her. On the other hand, I still see you as a leader who can jump start some necessary change in Nigeria. I hope you do!

Four years ago, I called my wife and her kids for a family meeting. I say “her kids” Continue reading The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu

#Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker

affiliation“How good and how pleasant it would be, before God and man to see the unification of all…”
– Bob Marley, Africa Unite.

That a man is amongst many connections a son, a brother, a friend, a classmate, a colleague, an uncle, a community leader, a tribesman, a state man, a country man… His many affiliations are brought into play at different levels of his life but let me share this experience of mine with you.

I know a big farmer. His primary goal is to ensure everything works not because his other investments are not yielding good returns but he made me understand that if he closes down the farm the aftershock will be greater than what ordinary eyes can behold. That made me cherish his ingenuity and zeal in ensuring that everything works even though it wasn’t that smooth running; such a large farm, especially with the diverse expertise that he needed to run it efficiently. So he sent his relatives to acquire skills in one Continue reading #Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker

corruptionThere is a Yoruba saying: ko si ba se ma se se ebolo ti ko ni run igbe. No matter how expensively garbed a beggar is, his beggarly mentality will have him betrayed. These past few days, social media as well as the traditional media went agog with protests against the soulless wardrobe allowance of the members of the National Assembly. I am glad we are getting there gradually. My joy is that at the end, our consciousness will rise to a point that we will realize that the electors at all times retain the ultimate power to hire and fire at anytime, not necessarily only during the election year. There is a part of the constitution that says we can recall any elected official that is misbehaving or not performing to expectation. But I beg to differ on the recent hashtags because they are just unnecessary. Very unnecessary I must add. Haven’t you read in the book of Political Insouciance, that it is better for millions of the populace to go hungry while their representatives loom large in opulence? Haven’t you also read that it is better to clothe lawmakers because they are usually in a maddening state of nakedness anytime, anyway? Just few weeks ago, I wrote about Continue reading #Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker

Nigeria-National-AssemblyMy dear President,

It will be too early in the day to start sending you notes but this is very important especially with the task you have before you. It is an enormous task and it is bothering me already how you will start.  Just last week I asked that people should give you some space especially when we are awaiting some deliverables in about 80 days time. But as it is, my impatience to tone some words to you cannot endure a second longer.

Early March this year, I encountered one of the most gentlemen I ever come across in my short existence. He calls Jagaban Bola because they were contemporaries in Mobil. He acknowledged the sagacity of Bola on any given field of his interest. He was even jumping like a puppy while expressing his joy of being alive to witness your coming back to serve the nation. He congratulated my generation that we Continue reading #Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker

InauguaDear Compatriots,

We sure had a wonderful Inauguration last Friday. It was awesome even though there were obvious lapses in the protocols during the Swearing-in proper and other activities that followed. From the foregoing, you should be able to tell what I am set out to talk about. The side dis(at)traction!

These past few weeks I have deliberately fed my laziness to blog. Not necessarily because I couldn’t write anything but I knew the last few weeks of Jonathan’s administration were tales of woes and that was what many bloggers cum columnists would air . I was right as so many valedictory notes I read were just as I had thought. Jonathan, A Failure! Scorecard…!! Good Riddance…!!! Continue reading #Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker

#PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker

KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09 NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN
KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09
NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN

Last week Thursday, I got a shark-bite feeling that fuel scarcity inflicts on one. I got the news that PMS was being sold at a filling station in Ajuwon and I harmed myself with a 25 litre keg, hoping that at least I could get a scoop that would be enough for me to power my generator (contrary to the  ads, there hasn’t been power in my locality for days running) so I may at least submit my column for the week; but I returned home frustrated.

True to the news, fuel was being sold and I quickly joined the long queue.  For several hours that I was there, I couldn’t get to the nozzle even though I saw that the product was being dispensed. Some street urchins came with a truckload of kegs, hijacked the nozzle from the attendant and sold the product to themselves. Immediately a keg got filled, they would move it few metres away from the filling station and start hawking it at Two Hundred and Fifty Naira per litre (the pump price from the filling station was Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker

#PAUSIBILITY: WE ARE AFRICANS! by Adebayo Coker

(Editorial note: This was received about a week ago.)

africaaaMy dear people, I must start by congratulating us for the consolidation of democracy. Two weeks ago we had both Gubernatorial and House of Assembly elections. Even though there were pockets of skirmishes, I can submit that we are all determined to make this system work and with time the imbroglio will be dealt with, then our nation will be one of the exemplified democracies in the world.

I could not write my column last week because I was busy coordinating my son’s first birthday. As I moved around town during that period, a thought kept coming to mind: If posters could cry, we all would be flapping our arms and feet through the pool of tears that our nation space would be submerged in. Also if posters could laugh we all would be running with a finger in each ear in a bid to block out the maddening Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: WE ARE AFRICANS! by Adebayo Coker

THE DEMYSTIFICATION OF THE IROKO THE ONDO STATE GOVERNOR by Iffy Peter.

mimiko
On April 14th 2007, I was at the Christian Corpers’ Lodge in Alagbaka, Akure, Ondo, waiting for Maurice Iwu’s (or Iwuruwu as my friend calls him) INEC to announce the Winner of Ondo State Gubernatorial election. The wait lasted more than two days and allegations of rigging out Mimiko started flying round. Against public opinion, Dr. Olusegun Agagu was announced as the winner and this was followed by mass protest in Akure, Ondo, Owo and several other towns and villages in Ondo State.

 

Dr. Olusegun Rahman Mimiko was the people’s choice by a wide margin but the PDP rigging machine that was well oiled by the then president; Chief Olusegun Obasanjo and manned by the controversial Prof. Maurice Iwu returned Dr. Olusegun Agagu (they love this Olusegun name in that state) as the Continue reading THE DEMYSTIFICATION OF THE IROKO THE ONDO STATE GOVERNOR by Iffy Peter.

#PAUSIBILITY: The Day Of Reckoning Is Here by Adebayo Coker

cokerrIt will be gubernatorial elections tomorrow. No doubt, I will urge everyone to go out en masse, just as we did during the Presidential Elections, and cast our votes for any candidate of our choice. Nobody is going to drown especially if you take caution and do not go near the lagoon if you cannot swim.

Please and please, stop degrading the palace of The Oba of Lagos. We all have failed to realize that there is no  superhuman. What happened was just an act of the gods as it occurred to me that someone had been sharing in the drink of the deities for a long time but the day in question was just the day of  reckoning.

The task before us is to make a choice of who will govern our states. And I wouldn’t want us to be carried away by any side attraction or distraction. Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: The Day Of Reckoning Is Here by Adebayo Coker

#PAUSIBILITY: The Silhouette Of This Presidential Election.

Jonathan-x-Buhari-1The dark clouds that gathered on our nation has finally  cleared. The jubilation on the streets could be likened to the celebration we had when that killer wolf, Abacha was announced dead (no apology to the Abachas as I am not responsible for their father’s irrationality). The good Lord loves this nation. The doomsayers and those prophets that had in their own flesh believed the elections will not hold  and if at all it held, the incumbent will be returned, should be left alone in their pulpits as I would want to believe that people would stop Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: The Silhouette Of This Presidential Election.

#PAUSIBILITY: Is The ‘D’ In The D-Day For Doom? by Adebayo Coker

map-broken-nigeria-mKindly slam that song Natural Mystic by Bob Marley into your stereo and let it roll as you read this piece.

The Yorubas will say: ti a ba da ogun odun, ogun odun ape, ti a ba da ogbon osu, ogbon osu ako – the fraudulent twist of time cannot last eternal.

Tomorrow we will all go to the polls to assert our constitutional right and also perform our statutory duty as  Nigerians. Some of us would have loved to put this behind us long before now, especially on the 14th of February when this election was earlier slated for before #Pausibility: That Cretinous Shift. Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: Is The ‘D’ In The D-Day For Doom? by Adebayo Coker

#PAUSIBILITY: WHAT A ‘DOLLARED’ MOMENT! by Adebayo Coker

interactiveDear Sir,

Please do not consider the homophone of this caption but the sincerity that is inherent in the message.

Sir, many Nigerians have written many notes to you but I know you got one in particular:  OBJ’s.

I know some of your aides will read this message but will never show it to you. You have made us to understand that going by the composition of your cabinet, a high quantum of the advice your aides give to you are useless, and my conclusion that they will not allow you to read this piece is based on that premise. Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: WHAT A ‘DOLLARED’ MOMENT! by Adebayo Coker

Election 2015: The worst campaign in a decomcray

biometricEditorial note:

(The following constitutes the personal opinions of a concerned elderly Nigerian lady, which had been sent in about a week ago)

 

This 2015 elections campaign should go into the Guinness book of world records as the worst campaign the democratic world has ever witnessed. It beats one’s imagination to observe how men can cook up stories, slander, use very derogatory languages against fellow men, having been oblivious of the fact that elections campaign will last only a few weeks but the damage that indecorums may cause in the mind of our children will linger for the rest of their lives. Continue reading Election 2015: The worst campaign in a decomcray

Election and the game changers by Jane Chinelo

GEJGMBEditorial note:

(The following constitutes a personal account from a concerned elderly Nigerian lady, which had been sent in about a week ago)

 

From what is playing out on TV, I believe the main reason for postponing this election is borne out of PDP’s fear of losing the election. Probably, they needed more time to intensify their campaign and try to convince the general public. They observed that APC was gaining so much attention from the public despite all the campaigns of calumny. As much as possible, they are trying to promote the President, probably buy and pay keke-napep, motor park, some churches, drivers. I believe they are playing Continue reading Election and the game changers by Jane Chinelo

#PAUSIBILITY: Solecism of this Transformation by Adebayo Coker

TAPEOrdinarily, I do a weekly submission but my musing wouldn’t let me rest.

I am sure you will wonder the kind of paragraphs that will follow this opening. Some people will develop further defence when am done answering this question due to their embryonic stance on Americanism; they usually would say “the fact that it worked in America doesn’t mean it is good for us”. To this set of people I will say I agree with them to the extent that until when we are ready to develop our own peculiar models to proffering solutions to our own peculiar problems, I will continue to use suitable examples from any part of the world.

Let me quickly draw a line of relationship between Hurricane Sandy and Boko Haram. Although they both proffered a saving grace scenario to the leaders of two wonderful countries in the world, whose popularity amongst their people was drowning, but like any survivalist would grapple for any thin line of hope that is likely to sustain their continued existence. The opportunity for redemption came. One of the leaders saw and acted accordingly as is expected of a leader who is in sync with his people but the other frittered away his chance.jonathansambo

Hurricane Sandy affected some parts of the United States Of America at about the peak of the decline of President Barrack Obama’s popularity. The Americans waited for him at the poll to send him out of the White House because so many of his promises were believed to be mere verbosity with little or no chance of reality. The election year came and the campaign started; movement from state to state, typical of political campaigns. True, it was another round of grandiosity from the first black man President of the most powerful nation in the world, but along the way came Hurricane Sandy; very disastrous (not the first hurricane or disaster though) but was one of the (if not THE ONLY)  saving grace of Obama in that election year. Barrack abandoned all campaigns and went to sympathise with the bereaved. He did it so genuinely that many yet-to-decide Americans at that time, even when they knew it will be another term of same and the same, gave their votes to him nonetheless. He won with a landslide victory.

Boko Haram is a menace that has been terrifying the entire Nigeria nation (whichever way we look at it we are all in this together), the most populous black nation in the world. The Shekau scourge became intense just few years ago. When the whole world was wondering what the FG was doing to address the issue and were ready to their give utmost support to the government to get this hydra- headed monster annihilated once and for all the government saw another rhythm to it that the rest of the world was not listening to. They claimed this is a guerilla war, not conventional and will require some level of expertise to address. Quite understandable. But for six years that the FG sought training of military personnel, chaos was let lose. Thousands of lives were lost. People were dehumanized and killed. Girls and boys were kidnapped, conscripted into the sect and used to cause further mayhem on Nigerian communities. Parts of the country were seized and flags hoisted establishing the sect’s territory within Nigeria, a sovereign nation!

In the reign of all this, the President saw nothing threatening as long as it was not anywhere near Aso Rock. He did not act as expected of a Commander-in-Chief. Rather, he partied and danced on the graves of so many lives that were lost. He enjoyed his campaigns of calumny till the last minute, sometime two weeks ago.

Just as election came and Sandy presented a saving grace for Obama, so also election came and what was considered inconsequential so long as it could be used as a factor in a political permutation, is now a curse for this President.

Had this administration acted rightly six years ago by decimating or working assiduously to decimate the insurgents, some Nigerians will, at least, see a path of moral recompense to the President by giving him their votes because of that act of bravery. The President lacks every moral right to ask for any reimbursement whatsoever. His prehensile associates and aides miscalculated on that.

The recent exploits being recorded by the Nigeria Armed Forces in routing the insurrection just after the six weeks solecism, is a pointer that truly and truly, this government knew what to do all the while to stem this menace but chose the path of wickedness as they had thought that by allowing the crisis to fester ( I suspect complicity), a State of Emergency will be declared in the Northeast, then the PDP will have a rollercoaster ride back to power… the heart of man is desperately wicked

In the face of this deliberate delay to score a cheap political point which has led to loss of lives and properties, I hereby endorse CHANGE as the only panacea to this transformation  that polarized us along sectional and sectarian lines. A transformation that underestimated the enemies of Nigeria bringing about a Rwandani-treat to our people. A transformation that makes me buy fuel to power my generator to watch the President on national TV, launching a power station purportedly generating some immeasurable megawatts of power. A transformation that has turned unyielding goons to sudden billionaires. A transformation being led by a President that wants to enjoy the full benefits and appurtenances of office but has shamelessly failed (on many occasions) to stand up to the functionality and responsibility of office. A re-commissioning transformation.

I laugh.

BTW

Is Marilyn on vacation?

PAUSIBILITY: My Conversation With A Jonathanian by Adebayo Coker

Just yesterday, after considering the brain power that I would expend in order to come up with my submission for this week, which I found to be far reaching, I decided to engage a classmate of mine who has been posting all sorts on his Facebook timeline lately in a mental exercise that will jeer me to speed. It is not in my character to engage someone I consider a friend in a conversation via their timelines, I do it via private chats. This particular chat happened via Facebook messenger and I must hint that this my friend works at Wadata House.

Continue reading PAUSIBILITY: My Conversation With A Jonathanian by Adebayo Coker

PAUSIBILITY: A Cretinous Shift by Adebayo Coker

For the first time since the inception of our new democratic dispensation, a vast majority of Nigerians speak with one voice; old, young, professionals, artisans, educated and enlightened. People speak of their readiness to participate in this election but the maddening quest of a single man and his cretinous associates to hold on to power at all cost, pushed them to make a dive of a lifetime which I foresee will earn them broken skulls. In a high profile wrist-twisting show of power, the lazy service chiefs, acting under the directives of their Grand Commander, forced our democracy to come to a strategic halt by their singular act to stand against the wish of the people to go to the polls and effect the change they so yearn for and deserve; but just like I said last week, this is a change that will come to be, it is the Movement of The People (MOP). Continue reading PAUSIBILITY: A Cretinous Shift by Adebayo Coker

#PAUSIBILITY: Change Is The Only Constant Thing by Adebayo Coker

GEJGMBThese past few weeks have seen me skim the local television stations looking for one political campaign or the other, and I must confess it has been an interesting venture for me; I hope am speaking for a greater number of you too. But in all, I want us to hold on to one of the concepts of realism which is “ the determination to face facts and deal with issues practically without being influenced by any sentiments or false ideas; it is the showing of things as they are”.

BTW: I couldn’t submit anything last week as all that came to mind was about that Hotter Big Shop (I hope you can decode), but my preference to yield to the admonition to do no harm to men in cassock made me keep myself away from writing this column altogether. Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: Change Is The Only Constant Thing by Adebayo Coker

#Pausibility: Functional Juxtaposition by Adebayo Coker

My good people, I hope the year is starting on a good note for you, especially with the ongoing political gimmickry that is clogging our clouds? The furor is a ploy to get you to submit to either a true leader or a loot leader, and the kind of leader that will emerge depends Continue reading #Pausibility: Functional Juxtaposition by Adebayo Coker