Category Archives: News

Breaking: A couple kissing and having s*x at the Road 1 gate of OAU by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Friday, 15th of January, 2016; about 17:00 hours:

A couple (a young couple comprising a male and a female) was seen engaging in a brazen, no-clothes sex at the security post of the Road 1 gate of Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife.

Video in a bit


They were seen at a vantage spot, where the roads meet, engaging in the act without regard to the timing and people, increasingly gathering. They allegedly rode on a bike through the gate, alighting at the security post premises. They immediately got undressed to the last piece
Continue reading Breaking: A couple kissing and having s*x at the Road 1 gate of OAU by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Dying In Public by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

from 071208

“Felix X is dead” was the bold newspaper headline that was never made. It never saw the light of day, but remained on the whispering lips of all and sundry.

On that fateful morning, the neighbourhood of a very old patriarch was roused from slumber to hear the news going round of the death of the youngest and most promising man in their neighbourhood. There and beyond, stories of the death of worthless men, accompanied with stretched portraits of their fat-stuffed faces, graced the front pages of the National Dailies. Contrived smiles concealed the atrocious underbelly of corporate and disguised crimes lived through their years on earth. They died and a simulation of public service on public news sheets is their consolation.

“Felix X is dead” but no one cared to mention it. The stars shone at night; and the Sun rose at dawn. Continue reading Dying In Public by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

THESE ‘LOWER ANIMALS’ by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Lion-ManA case to prove man, especially the Nigerian (as far as I’m concerned at the moment having factored in the reality of my human fallibility), has inadvertently, deliberately or serendipitously summoned cultures to be and almost true to the inaugural force of God during CREATION, according to the Holy Bible, these cultures, degrading, shameful, retrogressive and almost inhumanely unique, as they are, have come to be.

Man is an animal. An animal with a brain like every other animal? Maybe not! Maybe with a top-up to think? No! To speak? No! To build? No! To praise God? No! Then, what? Whatever it is, it’s a top-up to be able to organize ourselves, better than those ‘lower animals’, into tribes, religions, peoples, professions, neighbourhood and associates. Continue reading THESE ‘LOWER ANIMALS’ by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi & the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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Dr. Bukola Saraki…going…going…g…o….

“Listen to Nigerian leaders and you will frequently hear the phrase, “this great country of ours.” Nigeria is not a great country. It is one of the most disorderly nations in the world. It is one of the most corrupt, insensitive, inefficient places under the sun. It is one of the most expensive countries and one of those that give least value for money. It is dirty, callous, noisy, ostentatious, dishonest, and vulgar. In short, it is among
Continue reading RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi
& the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi & the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

image

Dr. Bukola Saraki…going…going…g…o….

“Listen to Nigerian leaders and you will frequently hear the phrase, “this great country of ours.” Nigeria is not a great country. It is one of the most disorderly nations in the world. It is one of the most corrupt, insensitive, inefficient places under the sun. It is one of the most expensive countries and one of those that give least value for money. It is dirty, callous, noisy, ostentatious, dishonest, and vulgar. In short, it is among
Continue reading RE: Memo to the Nigerian Street by Pius Adesanmi
& the mataz at hand by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

poorOnce upon a time, the diseased elephant lay dead beside the flourishing rat.

 

The rat had blown his flesh with the meat of the elephant. The rot lay beside the freshness. And a warm breeze descending the poles came to merge the disparity. The gentle wind delayed, had been brewed from a plant in a refined region away from our branded reality. It brought with it, its own ways. It had its own eyes, its stance, its culture, its people and its life.

 

In the wind, I saw it all…the field of cold and warmth, as of two cities resolving to live together. The intermingling of splendour and squalour; the breaking of hearts by hearts. I saw it all in the air, the culture of the land so far away from our touch that we only basked in the gigantic appellation of her name. The name of a chord of people of Continue reading Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘

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The staffers of the Obafemi Awolowo University, like staffers of some other public universities in time past, were in the last few days subjected to the hardship of trekking a substantial distance to get to their respective stations and offices. They are entitled to several years arrears of certain earned allowances. So much back-and
Continue reading OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘

WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

ForgetThe Presidential inauguration has come and gone. The old (if there was any) government had gone and the new is here. Like they say, the dog must hit the ground running. The previous government, it must be noted, had been accused of ‘doing’ so many things wrongfully but I’m afraid before the handing-over, she was not so much accused of what she was supposed to do that she didn’t do.

Of the things that government was accused of, corruption (or stealing, if you mind) was prime; others may be aiding-and-abetting of eli-thieves, institutionalized state-pardon for criminals, widespread employment of rogues and never-do-wells (for them to come-and-chop), iro ojukoroju (blatant falsehoods), political indiscretions and…fill in the gaps. And… Continue reading WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

hannibal candelaA decade

of flights

by this omnibus

wraps up into a big whole

this day and the next two

of may, twenty fifteen. I was there!

 

The Bass and the Soprano,

One anchored to the other. Continue reading BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

The Laws of ‘Matrimonial’ War by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Boko haraammmmThis piece was first published on  (by meronymofmeroe) and the conclusive plea towards eradicating the actors called Boko Haram seems to be most appropriate now considering the concluding words of this article “it is expedient for the nation to plead for the help of superior nations at this time that the armed struggle has taken a new form other than freedom-fighting. Terrorism is alien to Nigeria as much as it is baseless”. Hence, this might just be the best time for the piece to resurface. Enjoy.

“Since independence, our governments have been a matter
of few holding the cow for the strongest and most cunning
to milk. Under those circumstances, everybody runs over
everybody to make good at the expense of others.”
– Obafemi Awolowo

WAR could be an interesting subject especially when properly painted by an Architect of words. Although, it is definitely never going to be a sweet experience if you ever had to live through one – just one war-experience is enough for a lifetime, there are ways wars are described that make them as Continue reading The Laws of ‘Matrimonial’ War by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Shoki for Change: Once upon a time by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

IMG-20150401-WA0010Oh little flower, can I touch?

The air is cool and princely so,

That one’s frame glides through,

Like a piece of fine cake no one can eat,

As my motherlan’ dances to a new home

 

Once upon a time, Abraham Lincoln… Continue reading Shoki for Change: Once upon a time by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

CHANGE IS COMING. SEEN IT? by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

electionsOn Saturday, the 28th of March, 2015, Nigerians will troop out to vote in the first of elections that is adjudged to be the defining step of a long-awaited change. However way we look at it, this election will define the destiny of Nigeria, going forward, and beyond the business-as-usual that our leaders have made governance in the country.

As we so troop out, we should bear it in mind that we deserve change judging from where we are coming from. Be it a new regime of the incumbent or of an old or fresh hand, we demand new beginnings. Only hypocrites (and Nigeria boasts of many of them) would not admit that the country needs change. The contents of our meal tickets and plates must of necessity change, the outlook of our roads must change, the kidnap of school girls must stop, the delay of workers’ emoluments must change, the death of Nigerian Continue reading CHANGE IS COMING. SEEN IT? by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Guise of “No Election Break”: Youth Disenfranchisement by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

youthIt is few days to Nigeria’s Presidential elections; and as expected, rumours and counter-rumours are really flying around like birds that have lost the compass to their nests. And facts, figures, forms of statistics, all get dug out even from the darkest recesses of our political community and thrown into the ashtrays on the tables before us. They are not food but information that we can quite well choose to make use of or ignore; and if we choose the latter, we rather ignore forever but the effects may never leave us, similarly, forever. Anywhere there’s light, there definitely has to be some shadows.

It is the presence of shadows in the form of threats and paranoia that seem Continue reading Guise of “No Election Break”: Youth Disenfranchisement by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

We understand your plight, Mr. President by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

NigeriaWe understand that being a leader at all is a daunting task for many persons, especially for you; we can imagine the burden of our expectations of you as the leader of Nigeria. It isn’t easy. It is just so sad that ‘we, the people’ expect you to deliver on many fronts, at least even if it’s just the promises you made to us against the 2011 elections.

Having had an opportunity to preside over the affairs of this ‘great’ country for about six full years, it’s certain you have personally had your ups and downs that usually characterize an average human life Continue reading We understand your plight, Mr. President by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

Bedfellows: Reno Omokri (Wendell Simlin) and Lies by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

renooooYes. Life in Nigeria may not be easy especially for those who have no opportunity to dip their hands in the national treasury, even if it’s for once. It may also not be easy for someone who had that opportunity but who allowed the treasury to slip off his hands. Sometimes, however, personal integrity, which doesn’t get talked about often, is more important than keeping a job. And that is if such a job robs you of your integrity; that’s if you care about the definition of integrity in the dictionaries of the world anyway.

Judging by the antecedents of the Special Assistant to President Jonathan on New Media, Reno Omokri, Continue reading Bedfellows: Reno Omokri (Wendell Simlin) and Lies by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

MR. PRESIDENT: FURTHERING THE SCOPE OF ASSUMPTIONS by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

amalgaaTogether, let us assume there is a Nigerian called Peremoi, who has chosen not to vote in the forthcoming elections which some persons have rechristened FeBuhari 14. Is this out of ignorance? No, otherwise!

Voting in any democratic election is a sanction of the foundation of that particular democracy. As a sanction, voting in Nigeria is a way of saying, “’Yes, I agree that I am a Nigerian, that Nigeria has been properly founded and that ‘we, the people’ were actually we, the people who came to a roundtable to collectively agree to function together as a nation, draw up a modus operandi for how we will live together as one indivisible entity; leaving behind the tags that hitherto set us apart, religion, tribe, level of education and possible other sentiments.”’ At the moment, this is not so; Continue reading MR. PRESIDENT: FURTHERING THE SCOPE OF ASSUMPTIONS by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

MR. PRESIDENT: LET’S PLAY A GAME OF ASSUMPTIONS by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

heyLet’s quickly assume that there was never the Northern or Southern Protectorates; hence, no need for their amalgamation into what is today known as Nigeria, what would I be and what would you be? Today, you will not be the president of Nigeria and I will not be a Nigerian because there will be nothing like Nigeria. While I will be Continue reading MR. PRESIDENT: LET’S PLAY A GAME OF ASSUMPTIONS by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi