Category Archives: Happenin’

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Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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poorOnce upon a time, the diseased elephant lay dead beside the flourishing rat.

 

The rat had blown his flesh with the meat of the elephant. The rot lay beside the freshness. And a warm breeze descending the poles came to merge the disparity. The gentle wind delayed, had been brewed from a plant in a refined region away from our branded reality. It brought with it, its own ways. It had its own eyes, its stance, its culture, its people and its life.

 

In the wind, I saw it all…the field of cold and warmth, as of two cities resolving to live together. The intermingling of splendour and squalour; the breaking of hearts by hearts. I saw it all in the air, the culture of the land so far away from our touch that we only basked in the gigantic appellation of her name. The name of a chord of people of Continue reading Tale Of Two Nigeria – A Short Story by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi →

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#Pausibility: Gehazi, Vuvuzela-General And The Lesson For The New Generation By Adebayo Coker

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gehaziThe diverse reactions that were triggered by the recent appointments of the President are funnily incredulous. Very soon we will hear Dauralization or Patriarchization. We voted PMB to deliver to us chenji then we complain when he selected his team. PMB has chosen the people he wants to work with; I hope when playtime comes he will consider some of us. September is a month to look forward to. My fear is that one of his aides has set his over-ambitious eyes on SAN(K)ship already.

Let’s move on to better things jor.

“Uncle, two fighting!” Continue reading #Pausibility: Gehazi, Vuvuzela-General And The Lesson For The New Generation By Adebayo Coker →

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#Pausibility: Ambode, Lagos Is A State Of Excellence! by Adebayo Coker

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akinwumi-ambode-350x253My Dear Governor,

I checked my archive and found out that I have not congratulated my amiable governor on any platform yet, therefore I must correct my insensitivity to my immediate environment by extending my congratulations to you. Please sir, don’t tag it belated.

I am a Lagos boy who believes it will beneficial and great if we are in sync with the government at the centre; and I must commend the level of work done so far: quite an achievement in this short period. The photo-Ops tell it all.

But sir, I want to bring something to your notice. There is a road behind my house; it was built by your immediate predecessor, well-lit at night that the devil himself will have no darkness to veil himself with to perpetrate his typical devilry. Every night, even if there is no power in the neighbourhood, that light will come on. I have on many occasions, at night, taken a walk with my wife in the brightness of that light but today that road has become a menace as robbery activities are daily recorded thereon because our precious ‘ Fashola light’, as my neighbours will refer to it, is out. Not that Fashola took it with him but someone is forgetting to turn on the switch of those lamps, regularly.

Continue reading #Pausibility: Ambode, Lagos Is A State Of Excellence! by Adebayo Coker →

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#Pausibility: An Altar Call For Fr. Kukah by Adebayo Coker

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KukahDear Sir,

Calvary greetings to you in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Although I have not written you letters in private that you refused to respond to, getting through to you through this medium is a matter of choice; a choice aimed at correcting the many banalities flying around about your most esteemed office.

I fell in love with your classic elocution and outspokenness when I was in my late teens during the Oputa Panel. You sat as the secretary of that Reconciliation Panel. Now I am in my mind 30s.
Continue reading #Pausibility: An Altar Call For Fr. Kukah by Adebayo Coker →

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The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu

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(As published on meronymofmeroe on the 21st of November, 2011)

Dear President Goodluck Jonathan,

My name is Yomi Smart. Bimpe (my wife) says I’m incapable of rational thought because I’m a drunk. Silly rabbit, what does she know? Sadly, a prophet has no honour in his own house. But all my friends can confirm that I give the best of advice when under the influence. Also, my wife thinks you are a hypocritical politician – you have my permission to arrest her. On the other hand, I still see you as a leader who can jump start some necessary change in Nigeria. I hope you do!

Four years ago, I called my wife and her kids for a family meeting. I say “her kids” Continue reading The Memoirs of Yomi “d drunk” Very Short Story by Chibundo Ubachukwu →

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#Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker

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affiliation“How good and how pleasant it would be, before God and man to see the unification of all…”
– Bob Marley, Africa Unite.

That a man is amongst many connections a son, a brother, a friend, a classmate, a colleague, an uncle, a community leader, a tribesman, a state man, a country man… His many affiliations are brought into play at different levels of his life but let me share this experience of mine with you.

I know a big farmer. His primary goal is to ensure everything works not because his other investments are not yielding good returns but he made me understand that if he closes down the farm the aftershock will be greater than what ordinary eyes can behold. That made me cherish his ingenuity and zeal in ensuring that everything works even though it wasn’t that smooth running; such a large farm, especially with the diverse expertise that he needed to run it efficiently. So he sent his relatives to acquire skills in one Continue reading #Pausibility:  Modulating Our Knotty Affiliations by Adebayo Coker →

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OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘

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The staffers of the Obafemi Awolowo University, like staffers of some other public universities in time past, were in the last few days subjected to the hardship of trekking a substantial distance to get to their respective stations and offices. They are entitled to several years arrears of certain earned allowances. So much back-and
Continue reading OAU in Focus: The Act of Trekking without complaints by ‘ →

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#Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker

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corruptionThere is a Yoruba saying: ko si ba se ma se se ebolo ti ko ni run igbe. No matter how expensively garbed a beggar is, his beggarly mentality will have him betrayed. These past few days, social media as well as the traditional media went agog with protests against the soulless wardrobe allowance of the members of the National Assembly. I am glad we are getting there gradually. My joy is that at the end, our consciousness will rise to a point that we will realize that the electors at all times retain the ultimate power to hire and fire at anytime, not necessarily only during the election year. There is a part of the constitution that says we can recall any elected official that is misbehaving or not performing to expectation. But I beg to differ on the recent hashtags because they are just unnecessary. Very unnecessary I must add. Haven’t you read in the book of Political Insouciance, that it is better for millions of the populace to go hungry while their representatives loom large in opulence? Haven’t you also read that it is better to clothe lawmakers because they are usually in a maddening state of nakedness anytime, anyway? Just few weeks ago, I wrote about Continue reading #Pausibility: (Ad)Dressing A Cesspot by Adebayo Coker →

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#Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker

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Nigeria-National-AssemblyMy dear President,

It will be too early in the day to start sending you notes but this is very important especially with the task you have before you. It is an enormous task and it is bothering me already how you will start.  Just last week I asked that people should give you some space especially when we are awaiting some deliverables in about 80 days time. But as it is, my impatience to tone some words to you cannot endure a second longer.

Early March this year, I encountered one of the most gentlemen I ever come across in my short existence. He calls Jagaban Bola because they were contemporaries in Mobil. He acknowledged the sagacity of Bola on any given field of his interest. He was even jumping like a puppy while expressing his joy of being alive to witness your coming back to serve the nation. He congratulated my generation that we Continue reading #Pausibility: Voices From The Hallowed Chambers by Adebayo Coker →

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WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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ForgetThe Presidential inauguration has come and gone. The old (if there was any) government had gone and the new is here. Like they say, the dog must hit the ground running. The previous government, it must be noted, had been accused of ‘doing’ so many things wrongfully but I’m afraid before the handing-over, she was not so much accused of what she was supposed to do that she didn’t do.

Of the things that government was accused of, corruption (or stealing, if you mind) was prime; others may be aiding-and-abetting of eli-thieves, institutionalized state-pardon for criminals, widespread employment of rogues and never-do-wells (for them to come-and-chop), iro ojukoroju (blatant falsehoods), political indiscretions and…fill in the gaps. And… Continue reading WHAT THE LAST GOVERNMENT FORGOT by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi →

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#Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker

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InauguaDear Compatriots,

We sure had a wonderful Inauguration last Friday. It was awesome even though there were obvious lapses in the protocols during the Swearing-in proper and other activities that followed. From the foregoing, you should be able to tell what I am set out to talk about. The side dis(at)traction!

These past few weeks I have deliberately fed my laziness to blog. Not necessarily because I couldn’t write anything but I knew the last few weeks of Jonathan’s administration were tales of woes and that was what many bloggers cum columnists would air . I was right as so many valedictory notes I read were just as I had thought. Jonathan, A Failure! Scorecard…!! Good Riddance…!!! Continue reading #Pausibility: The Frailty Of Our Ingenuity by Adebayo Coker →

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BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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hannibal candelaA decade

of flights

by this omnibus

wraps up into a big whole

this day and the next two

of may, twenty fifteen. I was there!

 

The Bass and the Soprano,

One anchored to the other. Continue reading BEE-THROATED: Hannibal & Candela by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi →

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#PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker

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KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09 NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN
KEROSINE QUEUE/PRESS-2/MY DOCUMENT/MY DOCUMENT/JUNE 09
NIGERIANS STRUGGLING TO BUY KEROSINE AT NNPC MEGA STATION IN ABUJA ON WEDNESDAY (10/6/09). PHOTO; NAN

Last week Thursday, I got a shark-bite feeling that fuel scarcity inflicts on one. I got the news that PMS was being sold at a filling station in Ajuwon and I harmed myself with a 25 litre keg, hoping that at least I could get a scoop that would be enough for me to power my generator (contrary to the  ads, there hasn’t been power in my locality for days running) so I may at least submit my column for the week; but I returned home frustrated.

True to the news, fuel was being sold and I quickly joined the long queue.  For several hours that I was there, I couldn’t get to the nozzle even though I saw that the product was being dispensed. Some street urchins came with a truckload of kegs, hijacked the nozzle from the attendant and sold the product to themselves. Immediately a keg got filled, they would move it few metres away from the filling station and start hawking it at Two Hundred and Fifty Naira per litre (the pump price from the filling station was Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY:  Thank You!  For What? by Adebayo Coker →

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#PAUSIBILITY: WE ARE AFRICANS! by Adebayo Coker

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(Editorial note: This was received about a week ago.)

africaaaMy dear people, I must start by congratulating us for the consolidation of democracy. Two weeks ago we had both Gubernatorial and House of Assembly elections. Even though there were pockets of skirmishes, I can submit that we are all determined to make this system work and with time the imbroglio will be dealt with, then our nation will be one of the exemplified democracies in the world.

I could not write my column last week because I was busy coordinating my son’s first birthday. As I moved around town during that period, a thought kept coming to mind: If posters could cry, we all would be flapping our arms and feet through the pool of tears that our nation space would be submerged in. Also if posters could laugh we all would be running with a finger in each ear in a bid to block out the maddening Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: WE ARE AFRICANS! by Adebayo Coker →

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THE DEMYSTIFICATION OF THE IROKO THE ONDO STATE GOVERNOR by Iffy Peter.

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mimiko
On April 14th 2007, I was at the Christian Corpers’ Lodge in Alagbaka, Akure, Ondo, waiting for Maurice Iwu’s (or Iwuruwu as my friend calls him) INEC to announce the Winner of Ondo State Gubernatorial election. The wait lasted more than two days and allegations of rigging out Mimiko started flying round. Against public opinion, Dr. Olusegun Agagu was announced as the winner and this was followed by mass protest in Akure, Ondo, Owo and several other towns and villages in Ondo State.

 

Dr. Olusegun Rahman Mimiko was the people’s choice by a wide margin but the PDP rigging machine that was well oiled by the then president; Chief Olusegun Obasanjo and manned by the controversial Prof. Maurice Iwu returned Dr. Olusegun Agagu (they love this Olusegun name in that state) as the Continue reading THE DEMYSTIFICATION OF THE IROKO THE ONDO STATE GOVERNOR by Iffy Peter. →

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#PAUSIBILITY: The Day Of Reckoning Is Here by Adebayo Coker

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cokerrIt will be gubernatorial elections tomorrow. No doubt, I will urge everyone to go out en masse, just as we did during the Presidential Elections, and cast our votes for any candidate of our choice. Nobody is going to drown especially if you take caution and do not go near the lagoon if you cannot swim.

Please and please, stop degrading the palace of The Oba of Lagos. We all have failed to realize that there is no  superhuman. What happened was just an act of the gods as it occurred to me that someone had been sharing in the drink of the deities for a long time but the day in question was just the day of  reckoning.

The task before us is to make a choice of who will govern our states. And I wouldn’t want us to be carried away by any side attraction or distraction. Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: The Day Of Reckoning Is Here by Adebayo Coker →

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The Laws of ‘Matrimonial’ War by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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Boko haraammmmThis piece was first published on July 23, 2012 (by meronymofmeroe) and the conclusive plea towards eradicating the actors called Boko Haram seems to be most appropriate now considering the concluding words of this article “it is expedient for the nation to plead for the help of superior nations at this time that the armed struggle has taken a new form other than freedom-fighting. Terrorism is alien to Nigeria as much as it is baseless”. Hence, this might just be the best time for the piece to resurface. Enjoy.

“Since independence, our governments have been a matter
of few holding the cow for the strongest and most cunning
to milk. Under those circumstances, everybody runs over
everybody to make good at the expense of others.”
– Obafemi Awolowo

WAR could be an interesting subject especially when properly painted by an Architect of words. Although, it is definitely never going to be a sweet experience if you ever had to live through one – just one war-experience is enough for a lifetime, there are ways wars are described that make them as Continue reading The Laws of ‘Matrimonial’ War by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi →

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#PAUSIBILITY: The Silhouette Of This Presidential Election.

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Jonathan-x-Buhari-1The dark clouds that gathered on our nation has finally  cleared. The jubilation on the streets could be likened to the celebration we had when that killer wolf, Abacha was announced dead (no apology to the Abachas as I am not responsible for their father’s irrationality). The good Lord loves this nation. The doomsayers and those prophets that had in their own flesh believed the elections will not hold  and if at all it held, the incumbent will be returned, should be left alone in their pulpits as I would want to believe that people would stop Continue reading #PAUSIBILITY: The Silhouette Of This Presidential Election. →

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Shoki for Change: Once upon a time by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi

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IMG-20150401-WA0010Oh little flower, can I touch?

The air is cool and princely so,

That one’s frame glides through,

Like a piece of fine cake no one can eat,

As my motherlan’ dances to a new home

 

Once upon a time, Abraham Lincoln… Continue reading Shoki for Change: Once upon a time by ‘Lakunle Jaiyesimi →